I remember when I started teaching, I had only one child and felt I was quite busy. I remember mentioning to a colleague that I cook breakfast and dinner everyday. She remarked, "Oh honey, that's gonna stop. I used to do that too. But now, with all of the work, grading papers, and paperwork, you won't have time for that kind of stuff. You're just gonna give that kid a Pop Tart and roll on to work." I immediately thought, "Would/Could teaching consume so much of my life that I wouldn't be able to fix my family a proper meal?" It almost did. My first year, I bought work home daily. It became routine for me to enjoy my favorite shows while grading papers, writing lesson plans or just searching for resources. But I never stopped cooking for my family. Every morning/night my son and husband could expect a hot, nutritious meal. But that was the first year. My second year of teaching, I would still bring work home. But I noticed I never actually did anything. Papers would remain ungraded and alerts would be set when to complete lesson plans during school hours. So I told myself, "I'm not going to bring work home anymore. If my evals/professionalism suffer because of it, so be it!!! God didn't make me a teacher to stop living."
By the end of my second year of teaching, I decided that I would do all work relating to my job, at work. If it couldn't get done at work, then it wasn't going to get done. I remember my old motto I used in high school, "Prior Proper Planning Prevents a Poor Performance." I set a schedule for myself. I arrived at work 30 mins before my shift and stayed no longer than 30 mins afterwards. I planned what I needed to accomplish that day, including getting them kiddos to learn something.
And something crazy happened! My eval scores increase, my work became more efficient, my teaching became more purposeful, and the students learned. I didn't have to carry a bag of papers with me. I enjoyed my mornings and evenings with my family. I had a career and I was LIVING. (Not just existing day to day.)
Fast forward 6 years, 4 kids and a 10 year wedding anniversary.....
I still live by that same motto. I am a Level 5 teacher with an amazing resume and I do not allow teaching to consume my life. I go out with my girls on weeknights. Playdates immediately afterschool. TV marathons on a Thursday night. Tend to my garden every morning (before or after I cook breakfast.) I don't block out my Monday-Friday because I'm a teacher. I add things to it to enrich and better my life because I never stop learning. Only joy will consume my life.
A few weeks ago I got really excited!!!! I woke up early and went to the local Home Depot. I parked close to the garden center, checked my Toms and took a big gulp of water. Yes, now I am ready to shop and prepare for gardening season. Oh yes. I was excited. I remember walking into the store and seeing my fellow gardeners. Some were planning on planting onions. Some were constructing raised beds using kits. But all of us were ready. It was Spring Time.
Fast forward a few weeks....and I'm covering my garden with a blanket to prevent frostbite on my cabbage, broccoli, onions and brussel sprouts. This is frustrating. Gardeners, we now have another season in which we need to plan and prepare for. It is called Sprinter. This is the combination of Spring and Winter. It is when it is warm on Monday, rainy on Tuesday and Wednesday, just nice on Thursday, cold on Friday and snowing on Saturday. It's when we experience the characteristics of both Spring and Winter in 1 week.
Nevertheless, all is not lost. My herbs that I have inside are doing amazing!!! (I have been wondering why my seeds outside haven't sprouted yet......I bet it's because of Sprinter. Hmmmm...I wonder how long it will take the ground to warm?????)
When I was pregnant with the twins, I was put on hospitalized bedrest. I was only 5 months pregnant. Everything happened so fast. I took a half-day from work to got to the doctor. Anthony, as usual, came with me. During the ultra sound, the nurse left the room and was gone for a bit of time. When she returned, she told Anthony and me that the doctor would speak with us in the conference room. We waited in the conference room for an hour. (I had to have my mom pick up Aiden from daycare.) When the doctor finally came in, he said that my room will be ready in 5 minutes. Huh??? That was my only reply. Apparently, I was in active labor and I needed to be monitored. He gave me some papers to give to the nurse in the other wing of the hospital. As Anthony wheeled me over, he reassured me that everything was going to be okay.
When we arrived in the other wing, I handed the papers to the check-in nurse. She stated, "Oh, girl. You gonna be here a while." I said, "No I'm not. The doctor said I was only here for observation." The nurse looked at me over the rim of her glasses and said, "Mmm-K."
I should have listened to that nurse. I was on hospitalized bedrest for 2.5 months. I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years in the hospital. Here is the diary I kept....
Day 1 – Monday, November 14, 201
Arrived at 5pm. (Never left from 2pm Dr. apt.) Visitors – Anthony and Aiden. Anthony spent the night. I just slept and took in all the new information. Slept good with Ambien.
Day 2 – Tuesday – November 15, 2011
Visitors: Shun, EB, Helen, Aiden, Dad and Anthony spent the night.
Day 3 – Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Visitors: Shun and EB brought the Wii and snacks. Adam, Danielle and Gage brought snacks and juice. Anthony spent the night.
Day 4 – Thursday, November 17, 2011
Really enjoying Harvest Moon on the Wii. Visitors: Christina Brooks, Yolaunda Taylor, Phyliss Savage, Jackie Benson Helen, Aiden and Anthony (he spent the night.)
Day 5 – Friday, November 18, 2011
Anthony took off from work to stay with me. Visitors: Anthony, Linda, Claude, Sir Lawrence. Knitting lady showed me how to knit. It is very fun. Anthony and I played Mario Kart and PunchOut on the Wii.
Day 6 – Saturday, November 19, 2011
Anthony left after breakfast to spend time with Aiden. Visitors: Mom, Anthony and Aiden. She stayed a while and brought me my Dell since my interim will be using my Mac. Received a phone call from Mrs. Fergurson, the knitting lady. She will be coming by to get me started on my blankets. (I dropped the knitting somehow and messed up big time.) I wish more people would come to visit. Although, I am grateful for the visitors I do have. This is my first night sleeping by myself without Anthony here. (I slept really well….It was only God. Peed a lot though.)
Day 7 – Sunday, November 20, 2011
I had a relaxing morning. Only one contraction. Watched the church service online. Visitors: DW, Fredericka. I’ve decided that I don’t want Aiden to spend the night before Thanksgiving at the hospital with me. I don’t want him think that he could do that. I want him to sleep in a place that is known to him. Mrs. Fergurson and DW didn’t come by yesterday, maybe they will today. DW and Fredericka came by in the evening. It was very nice. Anthony spent the night.
Day 8 – Monday, November 21, 2011
Things are going pretty well. Mrs. Elizabeth Ferguson came by and I have started on a receiving blanket. Dr. Stack also came by. Taki, Haley and Adam plan to come by later. Overseer Marion Douglas plans to stop by tomorrow and Serenta, from work, will be by Wed. (I have some bad gas.) I’ve knitted, played my game, and watched tv. Very interesting day. By the way, Taki, Adam and Haley did stop by. Adam bought ginger snaps…..delicious. Anthony spent the night.
Day 9 – Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Today was pretty lethargic. I woke up at 4am. Played the wii and ate animal crackers. I became sleepy at 6:45am. At 7:10am, breakfast arrived. I ate and went right back to sleep. The nurse finally came in at 10am to give me my 9am meds. I really didn’t want to wake up. I spent the next 45 min on the monitor and ate some lunch. I can’t wait to have some visitors. I think I may play my game and knit during X Factor. Anthony, Aiden and my Dad visited today. It was nice. Aiden cuddled with me while playing on my phone. I slept okay without Anthony here.
Day 10 – Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Today was great. I had lots of visitors: Stacey Ross brought Lenny’s, Mom and Aiden came by, Serenta McDonald bought milk and Corn Pops cereal, Kim Folson bought sliced cheese and Teresa Traylor, from church, brought mini juices and nuts. I also enjoyed talking to DW over the phone. I greatly enjoyed my time today. Tomorrow, Anthony and will stop by. I think I might ask the nurse for my meds early because I am pooped. Although, I will definitely be watching X Factors results. Even dinner was good. I had onion rings, chicken tenders with honey mustard sauce and juice from Teresa. For a late snack, I have a sandwich, snackwell cookies and fresh fruit.
Day 11 – Thursday, November 24, 2011
I had a great Thanksgiving Day. First the Martin Family came and brought me a plate. (They were the only ones to make me a sensible plate.) Then my Dad came by with his new girlfriend Lindsey?? I can’t really remember her name. Aunt Michelle had packed me 4 plates of food. Later, Anthony came and brought me food from Linda and Tracey. I had 3-4 plates from each house. Ebony did good with the chitlins. I ate the Martin’s plate for lunch and some of Tracey’s for dinner and Linda’s for dessert. Needless to say, there were a lot of leftovers. Anthony spent the night. We started playing Monopoly and it’s not looking too good for me, although I still have a fighting chance.
Day 12 – Friday, November 25, 2011
Today was pretty lax. I didn’t eat anymore Thanksgiving food. I did have some more of Linda’s cake. The doctors think I may have pre-eclamsia because I had high blood pressure for a few days. I told them that for someone with all the issues you say, I feel pretty great. They said that it’s just a precaution. So they took some blood and I have to pee in a container for the next 24 hrs. Anthony, Aiden, and my Mom came by to visit. Aiden took off all his clothes except his underwear. Lori thought it was hilarious. I’m really enjoying Harvest Moon. It’s truly a time saver. Anthony spent the night and cuddled in my bed with me. Oh, I lost in Monopoly by 4.5 million dollars. And that was after I mortgaged all my property and sold all my house. Bummer!
Day 13 – Saturday, November 26, 2011
Anthony left at 11:20am. I thought I was going to have a boring day. I had no visitors in mind. So I played my game and tried to stay awake. (I didn’t sleep well last night and so I decided that if I don’t nap at all, then I’ll pass out at 10pm.) Well, around 2pm Lori came in and saw me fighting sleep and told me to set my alarm clock for ½ hour and get a power nap. So I set my clock and laid down. 10 minutes later Mario Moton came in. We chatted and had a great time. Then Fredricka arrived! We had a great time. Mario left about 30 minutes after Fred came, but she stayed until 8pm. It was great. I played my game a little more and watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Then Anthony came and we went to sleep around 11pm. I slept great by the way. Oh, and I don’t have pre-eclamsia.
Day 14 – Sunday, November 27, 2011
Anthony left after breakfast to get ready for church. I have already taken a shower. My plans for today are as follows: Watch church, nap, read, play game and I might do some knitting. I didn’t watch the church service. Instead I video chatted with Anthony and Aiden. I did take a nap, play my game and finished my book. I didn’t get around to knitting. I got kinda lonely and bored towards the evening.
Day 15 – Monday, November 28, 2011
I got plenty done today. My mom came by and visited. My friend Erin is here in room 206 having her baby boy. Dr. Schiender gave me wheelchair priviledges , not only to visit me friend, but also for 30 minutes every day!!!! Yeppie!!! Anthony spent his lunch with me and spent the night. The boys were very hard on me.
Day 16 – Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I started my glucose test at 4am and was sick until 10am. However, I did pass with an 87. But it made me sick something serious. I didn’t feel well enough to eat breakfast until 9am and then was a little ill during monitoring. By lunch I felt a lot better. Overseer Marion Douglas came by and visited. It was really nice. This other lady also came by with a goodie bag from Mom of Multiples. I think I may join the group. Anthony spent the night and Shun picked up Aiden to spend the night with him. I started having contractions again around 4:20pm. So I was put on the monitor again, given an extra dose of Percardium and a flu shot (not related) for good measure. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well and had to take an Ambien.
Day 17 – Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Today was great. I had a relaxing morning and even took a short nap. The twins make me feel really special. Kinda like Aiden made me feel special about being a mom period. Aiden and my mom came to visit. I really miss Aiden a lot. It was nice to spend some time with him. My aversion to bread started again today. So I asked Anthony to bring me some Taco Bell for my after dinner snack. It was good, but it gave me an upset stomach and I had to drink some Sprite so I could burp and feel better. This lasted all night long. (But weirdly I feel quite rested.) Anthony spent the night and left early in the morning to get to the house before my mom left for work.
Day 18 – Thursday, December 1, 2011
Whitney had her baby today. He’s extremely cute. I really miss Anthony. But I don’t want to be selfish and keep him to myself. I know he has a house to run, work and still be a great father to Aiden. But tonight…I just don’t want to spend it by myself. He left work early today because he was too tired and just wasn’t feeling it. I pray he’s not getting depressed or anything. He told me he really misses me. I’m not entirely sure how me being on bedrest is affecting him. Even when I ask, he states that he misses me but that he’s okay. I got a chance to see Grandma, Jackie, Tracey, Merv and Ebony due to Whitney’s baby. My mom is a little upset that Grandma hasn’t been able to come and see me because she says that she is just too tired, but can run down and see little Calvin immediately. Honestly, I could care less. There are plenty of people who I wonder why I haven’t seen them (Phyliss Galloway, the Powells, Allen..just to name a few) but that’s not going to dampen my spirits. I concentrate more on those who come to see me instead.
Day 19 – Friday, December 2, 2011
Today was great. My Sick Bank got approved for 20 days. (I’ll apply for an extension later.) Anthony refinanced our car loans and saved us over $1000 this month and over $200 every month. How great is God!! Linda, Beauty and Sir Lawrence came to visit today. Linda went with me to my unltrasound. She talked the entire time and kept pointing to the screen trying to figure out what was what. This was her very first ultrasound. I really enjoyed holding Sir Lawrence and putting him to sleep. I can’t wait till Elliott and Elijah get here. Around 6:20pm, I started feeling vaginal pressure. Lori told me to lay down and give it 30 mins. I still wasn’t feeling better. Then the irritability started. Then the contractions started. The other nurse, Christanne, told me to drink more water and she gave me my medicine 30 minutes early, at 8:30pm. I didn’t stop having contractions until 9:15pm. The irritability lasted until 11:30pm. Anthony spent the night with my after the Mime Concert. Then I just passed out.
Day 20 – Saturday, December 3, 2011
I felt a lot better when I woke up. I took a shower and washed my hair with the tea tree shampoo, conditioner and body bar. I was invigorating. I let my hair naturally and flat ironed it. Tamillah and Elliott came and visited today. I think Elliott was a little offended when I asked him to set out while the nurse got the heart tones. I just didn’t want him to see my belly.
Day 26 – Friday, December 9, 2011
I haven’t wrote in a while. Here’s a rundown of visitors.
Monday the 5th – Aunt Jackie and Hope
Tuesday the 6th – Tamillah (Helped her with her work)
Wed. the 7th – Mrs. Frye, my interim, Anthony stayed the day and spent the night.
Thurs. the 8th – Fredricka, Anthony spent the night.
...And that's all I wrote. Things got pretty hard after that and my spirits got really low. I wasn't discharged until Jan. 10th. I came back on the 16th and had the twins. They then had a little stay in NICU.
Below is a pick of my belly.
I write this post after having 12 hours in bed resting (yes 12 straight hours), a quiet morning drinking coffee while reading a book, listening to raindrops fall and watching a Redbox film. It has been a very relaxing day. And for this, I write to you Mom and Dad.
A little over a week ago I received a text message from my Dad telling me to bring the kids over his house for the weekend of Feb. 11th. I replied, "Ok." The next day I told Anthony and he too was like, "Great. Okay." And our week went on. Work, studying, work, cooking dinner, work, parent conferences, rushed kisses good-bye, bedtime prayer, professional development, work and buying stuff for the kids Valentine's Day Party. All the while, not remembering the celebrate my on romantic holiday. (This year, 2017, Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday. I work on Tuesdays. It is also the same day for SCS Student Transfer Period in which will be given 1 day to register the twins for school. And it's the day for my student's Valentine's Party. So I have been busy planning that.) So, having a romantic night on actual Valentine's Day was not a the top of my list. But it was at the top of my Dad's list. After arriving at his house to drop the kids off for the weekend, I sit on his couch to rest my feet. He then explains to me the purpose of this weekend. "Babygirl, I want you and Anthony to have some time to yourselves to celebrate Valentine's Day. I want you guys to enjoy each other." And we have!!!
Mom and Dad, you push back reality, whether for a night or a weekend, to allow me to be myself. For me just to be Patricia. And you allow me to turn back time and be a "girlfriend" to Anthony. Thank you for investing so much time and energy into my marriage and into my family.
Thank you Mom for always having "Fun Fridays" with the kids. At the end of every long, hard week I am able to relax for a few hours before beginning my weekend cleaning/laundry ritual Saturday morning. Thank you Dad for always being available and willing to take care of sick kids so Anthony and I don't have to take off from work. (Sometimes the kids symptoms don't show until 6am, and Dad still makes it to our house before we need to leave from work.) Thank you Mom for picking up the kids from daycare whenever I'm running or working late. Thank you Dad for buying the kids all the toys we cannot afford. (We have some really good kids, and they deserve to be spoiled.)
Thank you for still being the BEST PARENTS EVER!!!!
What if the religion I am practicing is not my own? Not truly and truthfully my own. What if the names in the Bible were changed to disguise the fact that Bible took place very near and mostly in Africa? What if the people were really the nation/people of Africa? What if Jesus was an African, born on the continent of Africa? If Eden was in Africa? If God made man from dirt, then wouldn't "Adam's" skin be brown? And if God made man in his image, the wouldn't God have brown skin too? (But God isn't flesh...But Jesus is/was...) Then wouldn't "Adam's" become darker as he toiled the soil, as that was his punishment from God for breaking the commandment? What if the Bible is simply a patchwork "quilt" of stories and concepts that have been cut from the true original cloth?
Is the systematic depression of African American prevalent all across the WORLD as it is in AMERICA? Are we painted in such a dark manner as being naturally ignorant, poor, nasty, uneducated, worthless, Who would create such lies? Who would go thru such depths of deception? Who would want to condemn, demean an entire race? What did they accomplish? Who will they target next?
But does any of this changes God's love? Does it change the fact that He gave us life? Does this change the core concepts of the Bible? I believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. (simple) Darkness is whatever you are looking at whenever you turn away from the light. See Ephesians 5:13. One day ALL truths will be exposed.
God, I'm just gonna trust you. I'm just gonna trust you with my life and the life of my generations. Deception is deeply rooted in everything I see. I cannot trust everything I read, no matter how prevalent or peer-reviewed the text is. I can only go by the unction of the Spirit that you gave me. SPEAK TO MY SPIRIT GOD AND TELL ME THE TRUTH.
know that Labor Day has came and gone, but I am just now recuperating from the Labor Day shenanigans!
People always say, "Enjoy your 3-day weekend!!!" "It must be nice being a teacher and getting every holiday off." Well, it's not all glory and greens people. My Labor Day Weekend was filled with LABOR!!!! I have 4 kids. What in the hell makes you think that I have ANY DAY OFF!!!!!!!!
To start off, I always have a butt-load of laundry to do every weekend. And Labor Day Weekend was no exception. Laundry is an all day affair at my house. First, I have to go on a manhunt for kid clothes that are scattered in their rooms. (Apparently, a dirty clothes hamper makes for a better toy than a place to put dirty clothes.) Then it's hours of washing and drying. Folding clothes takes a huge amount of wine, caramel popcorn and Netflix. And I've completely given up on matching socks. It is now permanently listed as a "Daddy Duty."
One top of laundry, I have a group of boys who RARELY THINK before they act. For example, Aiden and Elijah thought it would be a great idea if Aiden were to drag Elijah across the carpet upstairs. Of course Elijah comes to me complaining about the back of his head burning. Yep, that carpet scrapped the skin and hair right off the back of his head. This turned out to be a great lesson about friction for Aiden.
A little while later, Elliott yells that he can't get the bag off his head. I tell Aiden to help. Aiden drags downstairs and says, "Mom, I can't help Elliott. There's no help for him. It's really stuck." So I call Elliott down and try to tug Eve's purse off his head.......It won't budge....I get out the Vaseline......It won't budge. There's only one thing left to do. I cut the purse off his head. After he was free from the purse, I ask Elliott if it was a good idea to put the purse on his head in the first place. He replied, "It was a good idea, mama, before it got stuck." .......Yea, Aiden was right, there's no help for Elliott.
On top of all this, I have a little girl who refuses to leave my side. EVER!!!!! Whenever I tell her no, she replies, "Momma, I can't believable you!!! I'm so frustrated with you." And, "Momma, my hair...Momma, my lips...Momma I wanna wear my tapping shoes...Momma I don't want to eat that..Momma let me in the bathroom with you...Momma, Momma, Momma!!!!!
This is my every weekend, holiday or no holiday. So please refrain from telling me how lucky I am to have weekends off. Because I rarely, maybe 3 times a year, actually have a weekend off.
Also, just because I teach don't even formulate the thought that I have summers off either. Because these same shenanigans run all summer long too!!!!!
Can you tell what's missing from this picture of products? Probably not. I'm missing 4 bars of soap: VIVAS Moisturizing Bar, VIVAS Exfoliating Body Bar, VIVAS Clear Complexion Bar and my fav VIVAS Toasted Coconut Body Bar. I just replenished my stash of U R Curly products; the quinoa conditioner, soya shampoo and U R Curly Loose Curl Enhancer. (If you have never tried this product, you NEED to. I promise you won't be disappointed. Especially if you have natural hair.) I never noticed the rate in which I would run low on the shampoo, conditioner and curl enhancer. I use them all on my hair and Eve's hair. But one day Anthony came downstairs....
Anthony: Baby, is this stuff suppose to tingle?
Me: (WTH is he talking about??) What stuff baby?
Anthony: The hair stuff. It smells good and strong, but I'm not sure if it's suppose to tingle.
Me: (...You're using my hair products???? Did you run out of Sauve?) Yes, honey. It is suppose to tingle. I think its because of the Abyssinian Oil and Tea Tree Oil.
Anthony: Oh...good. I like this stuff.
Me: (It's okay Patricia. He's not using that much on his hair.......)
But it doesn't end there.....
Anthony: Baby, do you have any soap I can borrow?
Me: Yea, it's in my bathroom on the shelf.
He takes a shower and comes downstairs wrapped in a towel. (A towel...really....If he's gonna use my soap, the least he could do is flash me a little sum'sum.)
Anthony: I really like that soap. (VIVAS Exfoliating Body Bar) It has a nice scrub to it.
He also likes the VIVAS Toasted Coconut Body Bar and the VIVAS Moisturizing Bar.
Does he stop with the shampoo, conditioner and the soap???? Nope.....
Anthony: What do you use on your hair to keep it moisturized?
Me: (OMG...is my hubby wanting to discuss hair products with me? Has he noticed how flawless my natural curls are???? Yippee) Oh, I use the U R Curly Loose Curl Enhancer.
Anthony: What else?
Me: Nothing. That keeps my hair moisturized without flaking and doesn't require alot of maintenance.
Anthony: Oh, okay.
...later that evening after he gets home from work....
Anthony: Baby, (a little excited) that hair stuff works really good. I like it.
Me: It works on your hair too? (I'm a little shocked since he keeps it cut low..)
Anthony: Yep. I look good too.
From then on, I can often catch him using U R Curly Loose Curl Enhancer in his hair and even in his beard. He says it keeps his beard moisturized too.
I want a good looking man just like anyone other woman....but....It's mine and sometimes I'm a little selfish. I think I'm just gonna get him his own line of products......
Transient people are people who are only in our life for a short period of time. For some, it may be only a few weeks, for others it may be a few years. Transient people can be family or friends. They are here on minute and gone the next. There have been situations where people are transient due to interest changes. Single friends may not call on the friend with a new baby to go out...the career driven friend can't make it to friendly functions...morals and personal views may progress or regress. But despite the reasons, people who were once friends are no longer friends.
I recently let-go of a friend that most would consider to be a fixture in my life. I used the term "let-go" instead "lost" on purpose. Lost indicate a desire to find someone or something. It also hints towards someone/something is not being in my possession by force. Meaning, if I had an option, it (or they) would not be lost. So, this person was definitely "let-go." I released them away from my inner, outer and universal circle. But that got me to thinking? What signs did this person display that granted them into my inner circle in the first place? Convenience..Shared Organization...FunTimes...Socializing????? More importantly, what did they hide that now makes them so disagreeable? R. Serle once wrote, "It's not that girls are delusional, per se. It's just that they have this subtle ability to warp actual circumstances into something different.”
Anyhow...to each her own and it's time for me to move on!!! Transient people will come and they will go, but I will always mature and grow.
As the Church says...Everything has a Season!!!!
Today, I flipped someone off. I gave them the bird. I even said a few explicitives in my head. And I'm okay with that. But after a careful reflection, I remembered that I was smiling while I did it. Not a fake smile, nor a sneer. But a genuine smile, saturated in happiness. Why? Why do I smile whenever I'm telling someone off or threatening to cause them bodily harm? This may not be normal, but I'm okay with that.
During my brief reflection, I realized that I always give off 2 meaning: #1 is my smile; the 2nd is whatever gesture I am showing or "un-positive" words I am saying. My smile means that I have not changed my humanity towards you. I truly harbor no bad feelings and love you still as a human being. Although I my threaten to beat the shit out of you, remember the smile. I will probably go and get you something to clean yourself up with afterwards. If I give you the "bird" or "middle finger," it means that I'm saying, "F*$@ you and the dumbass you road in on." But again, remember the smile. Before you being to F*$@ yourself and your dumbass, I will probably offer you a condom as protection because I'm sure one of you has an STD. So now you are beginning to understand. My smile means that I have not changed my humanity towards you, and will still be there for you in your time of need. And I'm okay with that.
My obscene gestures or words are pretty straight forward. If I tell you that I'm going to knock every syllable out of you mouth, I surely intend on doing so. 10 times out of 10 you probably said something you shouldn't have. If I give them the bird or tell them off, it's because they're a dumb ass with dumb ass ideologies. Or they did something that only a dumbass would do and the only way to communicate with a dumbass is to "flip" them off. (It's the offical end to a conversation in their language.)
Now, if I'm not smiling you need to leave my area immediately. Because 9 times out of 9 1/2 I'm planning your murder in my head.
Ok Ladies, we all know the amount of work we do around the house is plenty. We wake the kids, fix breakfast, clean up after breakfast, dress the kids, prepare lunches, feed the animals and double-check homework all within 1 hour.....5 days a week....a total of 250 days a year....... (This is a simple morning routine. Dad takes them to school.) In the evenings, I jet from work to get the kids. When we make it home around 5pm, I feed them a snack, then we start on homework. During this time, I prepare dinner and feed the chickens and dog. After the kids are finally cleaned and put to bed, I realize something. I came home and didn't sit down until dinner time. (This motherhood thing is really like a second job.) On the weekends things can get pretty crazy too. We're trying to catch up on that never-ending-pile of laundry, spend some "quality time" with our spouse and kids, and clean parts of the house that hasn't seen some Lysol or Fabulosa in ages.
And even though we try our best, we never really get everything done that we intend on doing. Something always gets put on the backburner. And most of the time it us. We are so busy caring for the needs of others and the house, that we rarely make time for ourselves.
But I don't put myself last because I want to. I do it because I need to. Just like all those other things in the house. They just NEED to be done. The kids need to be fed. The dishes need to be washed. School lunches need to be made. Dinner needs to be cooked. Errands need to be ran. Laundry needs to be washed, dried, folded and put away. These things (and many more that I'm forgetting) simply need to be done. Period.
So when I came home ready to start my 2nd job a THE mom, I was taken back that my husband had started on some of the chores that needed to be done. Did I ask him to do it? No. I didn't even give a hint or anything. He just did it. So, should I say thank you?
On one hand, I don't think that I should. He is doing what I do day in and day out with not much thanks at all. I'm doing it because it simply needs to be done. And you know what, he is too!!!!!!
I really never realize all that he does simple because it needs to be done. He takes the kids to school and stops by the store after work to bring me wine for the night. I've always wondered how the trash empties itself and the dumpster makes it to the curb. (Although now I think I might know.) He changes the AC filters, mows the lawn and can fix anything and everything.
He never really says the actual words "thank you." He simply gives me a kiss on the neck as his gets his breakfast I cooked. Or tells me the clothes smell great. Or sometimes he smacks me on the ass after he gets the lunch I made fore him.
So, I will not say "thank you" very often. Instead, I'll find some type of gesture or actions that REALLY shows my appreciation.
I'm donned in black. Black dress, black pearls and black pumps. I look like I'm going to a funeral, but I'm not. You may ask if I know what black represents, and I do. Black depicts the absence of light. No light enters and no light can leave. Black absorbs all. Black is associated with fear because the "known" is not visible. It turns quickly into the unknown and grooms fear.
These are some of my thoughts, questions, comments and "could-care-less"...