The Thrill of Being Alone

I know this might sound odd and a bit unusual, but I hope that there is at least one other person in this world that can relate. Sometimes I daydream about being alone, waking up alone (without a human alarm cook), cooking breakfast alone (without anyone asking what I’m cooking), eating breakfast while reading a book alone, watching TV alone (and not have a child sit on my hip), falling asleep while watching a documentary alone (and no one to wake me because their teddy bear won’t stop crying..the bear makes no actual sound btw), showering and using the restroom alone (no one to bust into the restroom while I’m in there and wonder "what's that smell"), preparing lunch alone, napping alone, going to a movie or art show alone (no one to ask why we are there and where we will go next), cooking dinner alone (no one to state what they would rather eat) and starting over I can the next day and the next day and the next…alone.


I want it to be so quiet that I can hear my own heart beat and the wind rush against the siding of the house. I want to hear my own foot steps on the lush carpet. I want to feel the stillness in the air. I want to hear the earth moan. I want to feel the immortality of the sunshine. As the mother of 4, wife of 1, daughter of 2, sister of 2, worker of the public, friend of many, and person in this exuberance world (and so much more), I am confronted by noise on every level of consciousness. All day...every moment of the day. Even in my dreams, I do not find silence. I am fighting monsters/zombies, saving sinking ship, rescuing people, and partying on rooftops of other planets.
Sometimes while I sleep I can hear the slightest cough from a child upstairs, around the corner and through a closed door from under the covers. (I must have really good hearing.)

{Sidebar: but sometimes I can’t hear when my husband comes from home, fixes a meal in the kitchen and comes to bed. I wake with a start like, “Who the hell is in my bed?!” Then I see him, and look at my phone. He sent a message hours ago saying he was on his way home.}
​
But I just want to be alone sometimes. This possibility of this being alone is a little exhilarating. 
Just being alone. Being me. By myself.

(Image used from Google)

---