![]() Continued..... "Feeling bombed, I began to research my situation. I was surprised and saddened that I wasn’t alone. Parents across the US were losing custody of their children because they are essential workers or having to make drastic career changes. It seems, from my point of view, that divorced women are the target. I know of at least 3 other women who are currently fighting for custody of their children. So I decided to fight too. The biggest fight between my ex-husband and I was the length of time. He wanted full custody for 3-6 months with no in-person visits, only virtual visits. I tried to compromise for 4-5 weeks. We were going back and forth in court. The judges really want the parents to work out the situation and come to a resolution themselves. They do not want to make a ruling because this will set a precedence for other COVID custody cases in the future. But after several weeks, stern letters, attorneys and so much stress, it was starting to get to my son. This whole ordeal was taking a mental toll on him. It was at this point that I called the lawyer and requested an audience with the judge. The judges priority is and will always be the children. It must always be about the child. My ex-husband was made known that he cannot control what goes on in my house, how I get my groceries or when I run my errands. My son stated that he could only live 6 weeks with his father. So that is what we both agreed on. Because it was what he, the child, felt he could do. But before going to his father’s home, my son will be required (per my ex-husband) to test negative for COVID and quarantine away from their home for 2 solid weeks. He will not be allowed to leave his room for any reason. I will be able to virtually visit with him, but nothing more. Even all of his meals will be delivered to the his room. I, personally, feel like this is more undue trauma. So I will fight on. My advice for others moms dealing with this is: -Stand firm -Don’t personalize the problems -Don’t be petty -Keep communication short and to the point (Keep everything business-like because anything and everything can and will end up in court.) -Keep it child-focused -Stick to current events -Don’t make any promises or agreement with the parent - wait for the judge Remember working moms, you have rights as a parent and you can’t let anyone bully you. Don’t give up and don’t stop fighting for your rights as a mother." Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share. Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard. Like, Share and Donate. Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife. *Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs.
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![]() Real Work Wife aims to bring issues that are affecting women to the forefront. COVID has negatively affected so many people. Nevertheless many people have persevered. Especially the “essential workers.” These workers have been on the front lines ensuring that the public have the care and resources they need to live a normal life. They often sacrifice their time and safety for the sake of public life and comfort. But sometimes those sacrifices are too much. This account is about a sacrifice that one may call too great. This mother, an essential worker, almost lost custody due to COVID. “Our co-parenting started off very positive. We adjusted our own parenting plans prior to COVID and agreed to bi-weekly custody. Our son was happy and my ex-husband and I listened to each other. But the problems began when school started and he became hyper vigilant about COVID. Because I am an essential worker, he claimed that I was intentionally putting our son at risk because I continued to work. This wasn’t just an argument between us, he took this all the way to court. I thought I was going to have to choose between my employment and being a parent. I started searching for other ways to subsidize my income. In order to keep custody of my child, I did what I thought was necessary. I thought working from home would appease my husband and stop all court mitigation. I explained the situation to my employer who required medical documentation in order for me to be permitted to work from home. Because I have a pre-existing condition, my doctor approved and I began working from home. This is exceptionally difficult for an essential worker, but I prove my worth each day. Me working from home, however, did not stop the court mitigation. My ex-husband wanted to know who I would have in my home, what grocery stores I went to, where I ran errands and a constant tracking of my whereabouts. This made my life even more uncomfortable. His constant questioning of my parenting made me feel insignificant. " To be continued...... Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share. Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard. Like, Share and Donate. Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife. *Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs. ![]() Part II: "I decided to use it intermittently, 1 week at work and 1 week at home. This would give me the time to decide what's best for my family. So the weeks that I went to work, everything was like it always had been. I receive 100% of my pay and maintain my work hours and obligations. But the weeks that are covered by the CARES Act are different. I receive 67% of my pay and I work from home. I will be doing this for 3 months. I wish I would have done it earlier. I just didn't know how the virtual learning would work and how we, as a family, would meet the teacher's expectations. Losing 43% of my income is not easy. Furthermore, returning to work each week and being behind on my duties is difficult too. But now I have an open line of communication of the teachers and the kids are doing well. I just want my children safe and I want them to learn. Everyday we are still adjusting. Adjusting work schedules. Adjusting bedtime and wake times for the kids. Adjusting recreational screen time. And adjusting outside time. But after getting my kids report cards, I feel that it was worth it. I assist more with school work than I would if they were in school physically. I'm now a personal tutor. The teachers are willing to invest in change to ensure that each child gets the most out of virtual learning. And in the end.....My children are safe and they are learning." Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share. Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard. Like, Share and Donate. Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife. *Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs. ![]() Real Work Wife aims to bring awareness to different issues confronting working moms. The effects of Covid-19 have been extremely hard for a lot of families. This is such a story. This mom has been required to balance virtual school and work while enacting the Cares Act. Out of respect for this mother, her identity will remain confidential. "I have 2 small, elementary aged children, 5 and 7 years old. The 2020-21 school year was their first year at a new school. So virtual learning for us was extra fresh. In the beginning, things were hard with virtual learning. The teacher spent most of the time explaining to the kids how to work the TEAMs platform. The kids were at different levels. Some of them caught on quickly, while others still struggle now. We, as a family, were bogged down. There were assignments that needed to be completed and classwork that needed to be done. Homework duty began to last 2-3 hours per night. I feared how that was affecting their learning. I first found out I was eligible for the CARES Act from my employer. They sent emails and hung posters around the office. I reached out to my HR and completed an application. The CARES Act is like an extension of FMLA and there are also certain requirements the employer must meet as well. Since I hadn't used any time for FLMA, I had 12 weeks I could use towards the CARES Act. It gave you 2 options: continuous leave or intermittent leave." To be continue... Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share. Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard. Like, Share and Donate. Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife. *Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs. 10/20/2020 1 Comment Career or not to Career....![]() Sometimes, I wonder if I choose the right career path. I love my job as a librarian, but I would have equally loved being a paleontologist or a geologist or even a writer. Okay, I am a writer. But I am nowhere near being a paleontologist or a geologist. I love rocks and everything about rock formation. I love the history the Earth tells us if we just look closely. I love dinosaurs and I am always eager to learn something new about prehistoric life. It’s apparent that I love to write. I would love the opportunity to write for different outlets in Memphis. I love everything about Memphis. Remember, Memphis is my Boyfriend. Sometimes I daydream about waking up in the morning, going to my favorite coffee shop of the day and write until I have nothing left to give the pages. I desire for it to be my job in which I write about the experiences I have in, around and with Memphis. So why didn't I explore a different major in college? Because that's not how I was guided. I was told to select a major that I was good at. I hate to brag, but I’m good at a lot of things. In the end, I elected to major in Health and Human Performance: Exercise and Sports Science. (Plus, there were no fields of study for paleontology or geology in Memphis in 2003.) After a successful stint as an exercise therapist, I went back to school and got my Masters in Arts and Teaching which led me to being a classroom teacher and finally a librarian. Again, I selected this major because I was good at it. But what if I selected a major that I was curious about? Something I wanted to study? Something I wanted to pursue intellectually? I've made a career out of my hobby and my love for reading. Which, honestly, isn't something that many people can say. So I am grateful for having a career that I enjoy. I’m not trying to make a career change or anything. My wallet won’t let me and my student loan debt ratio is already high. (I’m sure that I will die at the tender age of 132 and still have student loan debt.) My husband encourages me to pursue my daydreams….but I’m already in school! I am already in school for my Administrative License. I will finish before the school year is done. But do I want to? I really don’t know. If the opportunity comes along where I can be a paleontologist, geologist or paid writer, I will jump on it. At this point, I might just open up a bookstore and lure the world into my hobby. Push up bras….pouty lips…sexy eyes and curvy hips. Have you ever wonder what the sexualization of women is doing to our little girls? I watched the new Netflix movie Cuties with an open mind. This may look like another kid dance film, but it’s not. It’s rated MA. Therefore, I did not watch it with my 7 yr old ballet dancer. (Who loves watching dance shows.) I would have loved for her to be able to watch it because it shows a little brown skin girls who lives within a different culture. But I could just hear her saying, “Dad will never let me wear that!” “Why did she take a picture of her vagina?” “I’ve never seen those dances before.”
I had 2 main thoughts as I watched this film: #1 -I remember trying to act grown, and #2 - This movie is a pedophile’s dream. The girls in this movie are trying to grow up too fast. I remember when I was young and I would play dress up in my mother’s heels. I would put on some lip gloss, pucker my lips and sashay around the house. I would even do the “tootsie-roll” and the “Funky Y2C.” I wanted to pretend I was older than I was. When I was 7, I couldn’t wait to be 13. When I turned 13, I looked forward to Sweet 16, Then I looked forward to 18, 21 and 27. I was always trying to “appear” older than I was. I even remember when I would get ready for school. I would put on one set of clothes and change into another set of clothes once I got to school. (Yea, I was that child.) So I can relate to this movie a little bit. I get it. I remember what it was like wanting to look older…more attractive….sexier. That’s what the main character, Amy, wants. She wants to fit in with a group of girls who are also a dance group. While trying to fit in, she realizes that “sex sales.” After watching a western/American twerk video, she begins imitating what she sees. It’s very apparent that these girls really don’t understand sexualization. They didn’t even know why you shouldn’t blow up a used condom that you found on the ground. Now, while I understand the thrill wanting to “grow up,” as a parent, this movie was very shocking. In our days of W.A.P., City Girls, Meg the Stallion, Cardi B and twerking challenges on Youtube, our little girls can be exposed to some really racy images. But even without the aforementioned topics/people, our girls are exposed to women in tight dress, curvy waist, and big boobs. These women are always depicted as “it” girls. They’re the women who everyone wants to be and every man wants to “do.” They are fully accepted in society and always on the winning side. So can you blame these girls??? Nope. I can’t. I do however believe that little girls should be kept more guarded. As parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and cousins, we should all make sure that they don’t try to sexualize their childhood. I do believe that little girls trying to act older is normal. (Maybe not wanted or praised, but definitely common.) Pre-teens talking in the girl’s restroom about sex and rape….not normal right? Pre-teen girls acting boy crazed…normal right? Butt shots of little girls in daisy dukes is NOT NORMAL AND NOT OKAY. The girls in this film were doing some legit soft porn moves. And that is NOT OKAY. Could the warning message about over sexualizing our youth have been portrayed without crotch shots of pre-teens? Definitely!!!!! Do I need to see little girls gyrating all over the damn place? HELL NO!!! My husband saw a snippet of the film, and he was like, “What in the @#%! are you watching?” And I get why people are boycotting this film in America. However, how can we boycott what could very well be a product of our own over-sexualized system? I get the message, but the means by how they did it…smh. 5/13/2019 2 Comments Made in His Image![]() Soooooo many people kill themselves trying to be perfect. They stop eating their favorite foods. They engage in activities they don’t really like, aka The Elliptical. They bury their feelings deep within themselves.. They paint ridiculous facades of themselves as perfect people, living perfect lives. Yet on the inside they are dying. (Note to the public: If I don’t want to do something, I’m not going to do it. Period. Especially if it’s something that will make me unhappy.) This same group of people may also act differently around various groups of people. They have several different personalities:
I use to be like this. Different people got a different me. I felt like I could only truly be myself when I was hanging out with my girls. Then a wise friend stated something sorta profound, “If you only truly feel like yourself when you’re hanging out with the girls, you must hang around them often!” In all honesty, I didn’t hang around them very often. We would get together 2-4 time a month. So in other words, I was only truly being myself 2-4 a month. THAT’S 2-4 DAYS OUT OF 30 DAYS!!!! So who was I the rest time??? So I asked the only person who sincerely knows me. God. He told me that I was created only in His image……Yep…..That was all He said. Annnnnnnnndddddddd I kinda already knew that. So I set out on a journey to find ME within this grand image of God. And here’s what I realized: An image is not a real thing. An image is only a representation of the real thing. A resemblance, portrayal or depiction. I was made to represent, portray or depict God. We are made in His image and born into sin. So we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect. We can strive to be an image of perfection, but we can never truly reach it. It’s our humanity that calls us to fall short, but it is also our humanity God loves and the free will that the gives. It is only because Jesus that we are able to present ourselves to the Father anyhow. Besides, when did being imperfect become so taboo? Dunno. Nevertheless, now I’m the same Real Work Wife at work, home, church, with the girls and in front my elders. I am ME. Perfectly imperfect while consistently improving my Image. I will make mistakes and curse at the worst possible moments. I may continue to have anxieties, but they don’t define me. Every second of the day, I am better than I was before. So relax a little, give it to Jesus. You are only made in His image…..you are NOT THE IMAGE!!!!!!! So be who you truly are in front of everyone. (FYI: Don’t spread your personal tea to everyone tho.) Do what you love. Eat what you like. Find activities that you enjoy to stay fit. Again, do what makes you happy. Don’t be two-faced. Your “Image” already has a “Face”. Like and Share #realworkwife ![]() Race season is upon is almost upon us!!!! I get giddy just thinking about it. It’s time for extra yoga classes, drinking 3 liters of water per day, cool down days in the pool or just scenic walks and (most importantly) the race after-parties. The other 11 races I completed this year were just warm-ups compared to what’s to come. Although I thoroughly enjoy pitter-pattering on the pavement. (AKA Running), I consider myself a recreational runner. I enjoy running just to feel the breeze in my hair and the fresh air in my lungs. I love, love, love taking in the scenery of Memphis as I run. I am not a competitive runner…I repeat… I AM NOT A COMPETITIVE RUNNER. Therefore, the thought of me getting a medal because I’ve placed in a race is laughable. It’s just not gonna happen. Especially when I’m running against some purely amazing Memphis runners who run an average of pace of a 4.6 min mile…during a half marathon!!!!! I just can’t compete with that! But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t work as hard or train as hard as those RoadRunners (beepbeep). I showed up to the race, I ran and I FINISHED. I put forth my best effort and most times I actually beat my personal best. And just like those light speed runners, I would like a little recognition. Earlier this year I ran an entire series. I was present and pushed myself for the 3K, 5K, 8K and the 10K. I ran thru mud and damp woods. I ran down ravines and pulled myself out of creeks using a rope. And all I received was a t-shirt. I paid, I participated and all I got was a t-shirt!!!!!!!!! WITW!!! #cakeofmisery You see, with most single-race runs, you get a minimal of a t-shirt, a bib and a certificate with your time printed on it. Those are basic minimums to any race in Memphis. With a series race, a race that includes multiple race days, you get a little more. You usually get some neat swag and invitation to an exclusive after-party. But this wasn’t the case with this series. Oh no, not at all. They did not have after-parties after each race for this series, so I was really looking forward to the culminating party. Thus far, I have only received a t-shirt for completing 4 races. When I heard that the culminating party would be at a brewery, I was overjoyed. A t-shirt and free beer!!!!! Now that’s how you show appreciation for your recreational runners. Even though I didn’t win anything, I was looking forward to the free beer and fellowship. I was floored when I found out that the beer wasn’t free. #cakeofmiserywithsprinkles You read right!!!!! They had an after-party for series racers, but the beer wasn’t free. I knew something was up when the runners who did win received their trophy and left. At first, i thought it was odd. But hey, more beer for me. But when I found out the beer wasn’t free, I left too. Now I can hear those over-over-achievers yapping their gums about participation rewards. “Back in my day, kids didn’t get trophies and stuff for just being on the team. You only got a trophy if you actually won something. They’re making kids these days too soft.” Well….#1. I ain’t no damn kid. #2. I’m not on a damn team. I ran those races with my own 2 legs. #3.I like getting stuff when I work hard. PERIOD! Don’t play down my effort and not acknowledge said effort because I didn’t come out on top! Hell, I wasn’t at the bottom (aka last place) either!!!! GIVE ME A FINISHER’S SOMETHING!!!!! Tshirt+Certificate+Free Beer+After-Party= A Happy Memphis Runner P.S. - Where I run really doesn’t matter, just have beer for me when I finish. #realworkwife ![]() Can a marriage truly survive anything? We have survived being butt-ugly broke, working crazy hours, uneven parenting, random arguments and more. But just because we survived doesn’t mean that we came away undamaged. Our picture perfect life isn’t so perfect anymore. There are cracks, blemishes and images of things that we don’t even recognize. No cut is ever truly healed by human hands or human words. No thing is forgiven to the extent to which it is truly forgotten. You may not hold a grudge, or feel a certain way when re-confronted with that information, but the memory is still there. It is still there. It is a permanent crack, a forever scar, on what was once thought of as perfect. And we can find ourselves unconsciously acting different because of the forgiven memory. Are words that need to be heard left unspoken for the sake of feelings? Are tiptoes around the heart truly what makes it grow stronger? How can a marriage truly survive anything when its survival depends on the 2 people who caused the marital apocalypse? So it begs to question…did your marriage really survive or did it become something else all together? There is a difference between survival and adaptation. Survival is day-to-day. It’s a slow stagnation which you never truly gain ground to make a difference. Survival takes more from you than you really have to give. It shortens your happiness and deprives you of joy. What else in life can you focus on when your survival is on the line? Adaptation is the progress of moving forward when all things around you slowly become different, unrecognizable. With adaptation, your perspective on life changes in such a way that physical manifestations happen to you and around you. You being to adapt and your situation beings to adapt to you. (Whether it be negative or positive is given to your FREE WILL.) Adaptations gives you the ability to have all things made anew so that you can experience the best possible outcome. Can a marriage truly adapt to anything? We have adapted to be butt-ugly broke, working crazy hours, uneven parenting , random argument and more. Because we adapted, we are no longer the same person as we were at the beginning of the ordeal. We now contain thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences that we did not have knowledge of before. Sometimes we even have battle scars. These scars are just a reminder of our past. (Lest we forget how far He has bought us.) Forgiveness evokes an understanding. A sick, yet simple, sort of empathy. Sometimes coming to terms and understanding the experiences of someone who hurt you can physically make you ill. But with understanding comes knowledge. The knowledge to move on and let go. The knowledge to set yourself free. How can a marriage truly adapt to anything when its adaptations depends not the 2 people who caused the martial apocalypse? Easy. Because out of every fire, thrives life. In the most barren of places you will find hope. When you aim to adapt yourself, He will manifest the situation around you to adapt to your vibes, your energy, your soul. And whatever doesn’t adapt, surely becomes extinct. So choose wisely in your marriage. You will either survive, adapt or become extinct. I choose life. And I choose to have that life more abundantly. I look forward to continuing to adapt with the man that I am yoked to. We will adapt when the kids become teenagers. We will adapt during financial strain and financial blossoms. We will adapt thru sickness and thru health. We will adapt individually, yet together. We will adapt into human beings who are so perfectly imperfect yet unconditional loved by the Most High. Allow your imperfections to evolve into something greater. 4/8/2019 1 Comment Why God, Why?????![]() God, WHY is parenting so hard? Like seriously, this is the hardest thing ever!!!! After the kids came into my life, there is this constant battle to turn that little person into the best person they can be. And most of the time I’m not even sure if I’m winning or losing the battle. It’s not as if I have “fallen off the horse” of parenting. It’s more like…I’m not even sure I was ever on a horse to begin with! Maybe I am riding along a disc-earth that floats on top of an elephant as it rides on the back of a giant turtle thru space (yep….Terry Pratchett.) Of all the technological advancements, why hasn’t someone figured out how to make parenting easier. Furthermore, I never know if I’m doing a good job or not. Of course there’s the law telling you what to do and what not to do for a child, but no “normal” parent is trying to break the law or anything. (And I do consider myself normal.) Now, let’s think about this for a minute. When I’m baking a new cookie recipe, I will know in 8-12 minutes if that cookie recipe will be any good. I can plant a seed and know within a few months whether or not I have done a good job assisting that seed to bear fruit. I can get a great rate online for car insurance in under 15 minutes. But parenting gives no feedback. I can be raising a kid for a solid 18 years only to find out that they are rotten. I don’t receive any type of performance reviews for all this hard work I put in. I don’t get a raise or a stipend, not a single certificate or even a “Thank You” letter from the Department of Children Services for doing a good job. But let me slip on my parental duties and everyone will be ready to throw the axe at me. Seriously DCS, sending me a little token of appreciation on the kids’ birthday just to show that you appreciate my steps towards creating a decent citizen isn’t too much to ask for. Did you know that there are animals who are born ready to conquer life.? Seriously, just Google it! But us….No….I must parent for a solid 18 years, in some cases longer, before they know if they’ve raised a decent human being. 18 YEARS!!!!!!! That’s 216 months or 6,570 days!!!!!!!!! One would think parenting would become easier the more kids you have. But NO!!!! It’s equally difficult, if not more, with each child. What worked with Child #1, may not work with Child #2. In my case, what worked for Child #1 did not work with Child #2A or Child #2B. What worked for Child #2A did not work for Child #2B. What worked with Child #2A or Child #2B definitely did not work for Child #3. It’s like each child came with a different set of college-level prerequisites and a syllabus written in Klingon. I bet some parents even have Parental Depression. {Parental Depression: A mental disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities due to having no time of your own, thus causing significant impairment in daily adult life. Parents with Parental Depression often experience periods of “Why Do I Even Bother” and “How Many Times Must I Ask You The Same Thing” followed by “When the Hell is Bedtime” or “Just Leave Me Alone.”} And if you’ve been wondering why I haven’t been blogging lately…..this is why…PARENTING IS TOO HARD. (sips beer, rolls eyes and walks off stage.) 3/1/2019 2 Comments It's FRIDAY!!!!![]() I don’t know what the hell I’m going to write about, but I’m so damn glad it’s Friday!!!!!! IT’S FRIDAY FRIYAY!!!!!!! WHEW! It feel good to get that out! I haven’t had a bad week or anything, but I’m just ready to do absolutely 1-3 things this entire weekend. I would LOVE to say, “I’m ready to do absolutely nothing this weekend,” but the Maury Povich Lie Detector determined that type of wishful thinking IS A LIE! Parents, you know our weekends are filled with all types of events, meeting, trips to the grocery store and the usually bouts of parents!!!! But IT’S FRIDAY Y’ALL!!!!! Again, it’s not that I’ve had a bad week. I’ve actually had a pretty good week. My days at work went great. About 92% of my colleagues are great. I don’t see the other 8% enough to really have a valued opinion. I read myself to sleep each night. Yes, each night I cuddle next to my Tall, Dark and Handsome, sipped some hibiscus tea laced with some melatonin and read until I fell asleep. And if you have never tried melatonin….OH SWEET BABY JESUS!!!! Go to Walgreen, or go across the street to CVS, and get you some today! That stuff will give you a good nights sleep (Psst…they also have some for children too.) And if you have tried melatonin, but you feel like it doesn’t do anything for you…(probably because you have other anxiety issues)….may I suggest ZzQuil? That stuff is dope as ________. Although I only had grits 1 day this week, I was still able to enjoy my candlelit showers every morning. Yes, I take a candlelit shower every single morning while listening an amazing, jaw dropping podcast by Aaron Mahnke (The Cabinet of Curiosities or Lore). This is the only time in which my kids do not disturb me at all. Maybe those warm first-breakfasts keep them seated for a minute or 10. (Keyword: first-breakfast….there is also 2nd breakfast, snack, lunch, post-lunch snack, after-school grains, a pre-dinner tasting and finally dinner and maybe dessert. If you think this is crazy, you should see how they eat when they don’t go to school.) My cycle started this week. (Okay, this isn’t the greatest, but at least I’m not pregnant with baby #5! Sooooo…..welcome Aunt Flo.) Plus, Midol, German Chocolate Cake from Frost and a good Merlot can make all the pain of having a period go far, far, away. Hubby was off work for 2 whole weekdays! Which means, he took the kids to school and I had a quiet ride to work. It also means that he cooked dinner and did other house duties. And…AND…he took the kids to their dental appointments which took a total of 3+ hrs for 3 kids: 1 filling, 1 getting braces and 1 regular cleaning. His 2 days off also means that I enjoyed great foot rubs with my new lotion from Buff City Soaps, Fresh Snow! Oh, the kids also made it to every Girl Scout, Boy Scout and Ballet meeting. Whoop whoop! Plus, I was able to keep Tuesday and Wednesday evening clear and free. NEVERTHELESS……It’s FRIDAY!!!! After work today, I will stop by the soft opening of Cousins Maine Lobster and the kids and I will chow down on some lobster tacos and lobster tater tots. Then I will drop the kids off at Grammie’s for Fun Friday for about 3 hours. And what will I do for those 3 hours????? Hell, I don’t know, but it won’t be parenting!!!!! Now, tomorrow, I have a 5K Race, Eve’s Sorority meeting and 1 birthday party. Sunday I’ll be visiting a new church, picking up my Kroger Clicklist and enjoying the Off Road Race Series After-Party. Yep, this has been a good week, but it’s about to be a GREAT weekend!!!! #realworkwife 2/27/2019 2 Comments I Drink in Front of My Kids![]() It’s just another regular, long day. Half way thru 5pm rush-hour traffic, I realize what would be nice to take the edge off. No, it’s not a delicious cup of hibiscus tea. But it is something just as red and just as sweet. It’s wine. As soon as I get home, I run to the bathroom. (I have to pee. And after 4 kids, my bladder isn’t what it used to be.) After sweet relief, I head the kitchen and pour myself a 1/2 a bottle of wine. (Yep. I have a wine glass that can hold that much!!!!) And I drink. I sip while I cook dinner. I sip while I check homework. I sip, and dance a bit, while plating the food. Now, some people might look at me like a failed mother when they see me drinking in front of my kids. And trust me, I’ve gotten some weird looks before. Here’s just a quick reference of times when I drink in front of my kids: -At the Levitt Shell, I drink beer in front of my kids. -At a bar on a Sunday around 2:15pm, I drink beer in from of my kids.(On sunny Sundays when beer is cheap.) -At a restaurant that sells wine, I drink wine in front of my kids.(Unless my budget says otherwise.) -At a restaurant during brunch, I drink mimosas in front of my kids. -Around a fire pit, I drink beer around my kids. (Unless it’s too cold outside, then it’s hot cocoa.) -When we bowl, I drink beer in front of my kids. -At home, I drink wine in front of my kids. -At home, I drink beer in front of my kids. -Whenever I feel like drinking….I drink…..even in front of my kids. I don’t call it “mommy juice” nor do I call it a “grown-up drink.” I call it wha it is: Wine, Beer or Liquor. Whenever my kids ask what I’m drinking, I tell them. And when they asks if they can have some, I tell them no. Not because it’s a “bad” drink. Not because they “won’t like the taste.” I tell no because they aren’t old enough. Period. I don’t believe that alcohol is bad, nor do I believe that it taste bad. So why would I tell my child that? Have I ever been embarrassed due to drinking in front of my kids? YES! When Kroger first began to sell wine, my oldest child was so happy. At the register, he began, “Mom, Kroger is going to start selling wine. I know this makes you so happy. (Now to the cashier.) My mom loves wine. Do you want her to go get some? All I could do was tell Aiden that I didn’t want to buy any wine and tell the cashier that I was ready to pay. Have I ever been wasted in front of my kids? No. I believe that everything can be done in moderation. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that alcohol is some evil, forbidden thing. Only to find themselves incapable of handling it in moderation during college into adulthood. But I do want my kids to see that drinking and being drunk are 2 different things. I do want my kids to see that it is possible to drink responsibly. FYI….I also drink tea and water as much as I drink alcoholic things. #realworkwife ![]() I was scrollin’ on Facebook when I noticed an advertisement for a FREE PARENT’S NIGHT OUT! I did a double take and re-read the post. Yep, a FREE Parent’s Night Out from 6p-9p. I quickly jumped on this opportunity and signed each child up. I texted Hubby to keep that night free and smiled. This is a parent’s dream. Someone providing entertainment for kids for free! Not the “Please fill out this survey” free. Not even the “Let us post stuff on your social media page” kind of free. This was the Free FREE. This amazing event was put on by an organization called Engage. (It was a friend who shared the post.) When I explained to Hubby about the free FREE, he was elated! We didn’t know what we were going to with our FREE night, but we weren’t going to waste it indoors. When the night arose, we packed our 4 kids into the car and headed to corner of Kirby and Humphrey’s Blvd. When we walked in, we were welcomed as if we were long lost relatives coming back home. Seriously, their welcome was invigorating and genuine. The young woman spoke to our kids as if she’s known them from birth. She explained all the fun activities they were going to do that night and the different types of pizza they were going to eat. All the while, Anthony and I filled out “safety” paperwork to ensure the right kids were released to us when we arrive for pickup. Then we asked, “What type of organization is this that they can offer FREE Parent’s Night Out?” The other young woman who was taking our information simply stated, “We’re a church.” My mind was blown. A church. A CHURCH!!!!! I should have known. The exuberant greeting, the “I’m Home” feeling the place was radiating and the way my children just felt so comfortable. THE Spirit was telling our spirit that HE dwells here. This small church gets it. They really, really, get it!!!! In today’s busy world, how do you rebuild, or strengthen, a family. You start with the parents of course! You give the parent’s an opportunity to breathe and remember themselves before they had kids. During this breath, they will remember that a church sought to help them where they needed it most. You minister to the children. You display every fruit of the spirit within a 3-hour window. You impact their life forever. If this is what this small church do for complete strangers, I can only imagine what they do for their members. This shouldn’t be so mind-boggling to me, but it is. I have always had a church tell me what I need. I don’t think I’ve every encounter a church that met me where I needed them most. What if every church in Memphis served their community by offering Parent’s Night Out? What if every church in Memphis asked parents, “What do you need?” Don’t we say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, Engage Church believes this to be true. I bet they offer family-nights too. I bet they offer financial growth classes! I bet they have some type of organization to assist with navigating through every stage of life for their members. You can never outgrow a church that grows with you. This upcoming Sunday, we will be visiting Engage Church. And I have a feeling we will be welcomed with open arms…literally! If you haven’t checked out their website, please do so. It speaks VOLUMES. BTW…the kids didn’t want to leave that night! They had a ball and made lots of friends. #realworkwife Like and Share!!!!!! 2/22/2019 0 Comments PSA!!!![]() This is a Public Service Announcement. -Teachers - My kids have 2 parents. If there is anything concerning the kids, please message/email/dojo both parents. Yes, we can easily relay messages to each other, but sometimes one parent is a little more forgetful than the other parent. So to make sure we get your message, send the message to both parents. Also, on the parent contact form, please provide enough space for BOTH parents’ information. We are tired of trying to squeeze both of our information legibly on 1 tiny line. -Grandparents - There are 2 parents. Communicate with the parent of need. For example, if the kids are at your house and they are suppose to be picked up by 3 pm by Mom. Don’t text Dad asking him when Mom will be picking up the kids. Just text/call Mom. You can also use that tech savvy brain of yours and create a group text for both Mom and Dad. Group chats are great. -Kids - You have 2 parents. Stop passing Dad in the kitchen to tell Mom in the bathroom ON THE TOILET that you want some water, or a snack. Dad is perfectly capable of getting food and water for you. Stop passing Dad in the kitchen to tell Mom in the bathroom ON THE TOILET that you want some water, or a snack. Dad is perfectly capable of getting food and water for you. (No that wasn't a typo. You have to say things multiple times for kids.....)Furthermore, you may not know this, but Dad is a really good cuddle too. You should get out of Mom’s lap and try it sometimes. -Strangers - Yes, I have 4 kids. And yes, they all have the same father. Stop acting as if this is so odd. And yes, all of my kids have the same last name. It happens to be my husband’s (their father’s) last name that I earned when I married him over 10 years ago. And finally, yes, our marriage is still going on strong….with the 4 kids. 2/11/2019 0 Comments Yep...They all have cell phones.![]() We were at Whole Foods, buying what our meager budget could afford, when my 5 year old asked, “Mom, can I see my phone so I can check my account? I want to buy some candy.” It was there, in the middle of Whole Foods that timed stopped. People did the slow turn and soon all eyes were on the Lockhart Family. Then one brave soul approached me and asked, “Do they ALL have phones?” I replied with a hearty, “YES.” And of course, Elliott chimed in, “We all have debit cards too. But I’m saving my money right now.” The brave soul slowly rose her nose in the air as high as it would go and turn her back to us in the rudest way possible. Other patrons at Whole Foods just looked on and quietly got back to minding their own business. Why do people look at me strange whenever I tell them that my kids, ages 5, 7, 7, and 10, all have cell phones and debit cards? I understand that’s it’s unorthodox and there’s a host of articles that state that cell phones are bad for kids. And from my minimal research, because I could care less, here are a list of reasons why “people” say kids shouldn’t have phones: -Online predators -Awkward social skills -Lack of social skills -Poor grades in school -Decreases physical activity -Blah blah blah But I completely disagree. Those online predators don’t live in a computer. They aren’t fictional characters. They are actually real people. If we teach our children about stranger-danger at the age of 4, then why not teach about stranger-danger online as well? (My kids don’t have social media accounts, but one day my 10 year old may ask for one. And I will have full access.) I’ve taught them each about accepting request from people they don’t know. They don’t give out any information over the phone AT ALL. The are more likely to “swipe up” and ignore a call or text if you interrupt their game anyway. While, they primarily use their phones to play games, they also have the ability to make phone calls and send text messages. They usually text each other. (With the exception of the oldest hobbit.) Therefore, they have memorized every important phone number, Mom’s, Dad’s and Grandmother’s. They also understand the responsibility that comes along with taking care of an electronic device. Water is BAD. Charge when DEAD. Phones on coffee table during meals, naps and bedtime. As for awkward social skills….puey! Anyone can be socially awkward given the right situation. As for overall social skills…I thing that anyone who has met my kids know that they do not lack ANY social skills. All of my kids have great grades in school and half of them have good conduct as well. As for their debit cards, I looked online for 3.25 minutes and couldn’t find an article that disagreed with kids having debit cards. So I guess the public can agree that teaching kids financial responsibility at a young age is a good thing. My kids understand how to earn, save, and donate money. Being financially independent is a small joy that I always want them to feel. Plus, the tooth fairy also sends her payments as direct deposits. I want my kids to be able to operate in a society that is powered by technology and money while maintaining the fruits of the Spirit. I don’t think that parents should shy away from allowing their children to use general means of technology. Children must be taught how to appropriately use cell phones. We, Hubby and I, teach them that neither tech nor money should consume their life. We have a saying, “When company is around, phones down.” Therefore the kids know that cell phones are a “no-go” during meal times and social gatherings. They understand that when you are around people you love and appreciate, you should choose to share that moment with them. Because your loved ones will not always be around. And if you would like to know how my kids have cells phones that cost $0.00 a month, just ask. |
Phoebe FreeThese are some of my thoughts, questions, comments and "could-care-less"... Archives
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