Continued.....

"Feeling bombed, I began to research my situation. I was surprised and saddened that I wasn’t alone. Parents across the US were losing custody of their children because they are essential workers or having to make drastic career changes. It seems, from my point of view, that divorced women are the target. I know of at least 3 other women who are currently fighting for custody of their children. 

So I decided to fight too. The biggest fight between my ex-husband and I was the length of time. He wanted full custody for 3-6 months with no in-person visits, only virtual visits. I tried to compromise for 4-5 weeks. We were going back and forth in court. The judges really want the parents to work out the situation and come to a resolution themselves. They do not want to make a ruling because this will set a precedence for other COVID custody cases in the future. 

But after several weeks, stern letters, attorneys and so much stress, it was starting to get to my son. This whole ordeal was taking a mental toll on him. It was at this point that I called the lawyer and requested an audience with the judge. The judges priority is and will always be the children. It must always be about the child. My ex-husband was made known that he cannot control what goes on in my house, how I get my groceries or when I run my errands. My son stated that he could only live 6 weeks with his father. So that is what we both agreed on. Because it was what he, the child, felt he could do. But before going to his father’s home, my son will be required (per my ex-husband) to test negative for COVID and quarantine away from their home for 2 solid weeks. He will not be allowed to leave his room for any reason. I will be able to virtually visit with him, but nothing more. Even all of his meals will be delivered to the his room. I, personally, feel like this is more undue trauma. So I will fight on.

​My advice for others moms dealing with this is:
-Stand firm
-Don’t personalize the problems
-Don’t be petty
-Keep communication short and to the point (Keep everything business-like because anything and everything can and will end up in court.)
-Keep it child-focused
-Stick to current events
-Don’t make any promises or agreement with the parent - wait for the judge

Remember working moms, you have rights as a parent and you can’t let anyone bully you. Don’t give up and don’t stop fighting for your rights as a mother."

​​Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share.
Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard.

Like, Share and Donate.
Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife.  
*Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs.

Part II:

"I decided to use it intermittently, 1 week at work and 1 week at home. This would give me the time to decide what's best for my family. 

So the weeks that I went to work, everything was like it always had been. I receive 100% of my pay and maintain my work hours and obligations. But the weeks that are covered by the CARES Act are different. I  receive 67% of my pay and I work from home.  I will be doing this for 3 months. 

I wish I would have done it earlier. I just didn't know how the virtual learning would work and how we, as a family, would meet the teacher's expectations. 

Losing 43% of my income is not easy. Furthermore, returning to work each week and being behind on my duties is difficult too. But now I have an open line of communication of the teachers and the kids are doing well. I just want my children safe and I want them to learn. 

Everyday we are still adjusting. Adjusting work schedules. Adjusting bedtime and wake times for the kids. Adjusting recreational screen time. And adjusting outside time. But after getting my kids report cards, I feel that it was worth it. I assist more with school work than I would if they were in school physically. I'm now a personal tutor. The teachers are willing to invest in change to ensure that each child gets the most out of virtual learning. And in the end.....My children are safe and they are learning." 

​Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share.
Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard.

Like, Share and Donate.
Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife.  
*Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs.
​

Real Work Wife aims to bring awareness to different issues confronting working moms. The effects of Covid-19 have been extremely hard for a lot of families. This is such a story. This mom has been required to balance virtual school and work while enacting the Cares Act. 

Out of respect for this mother, her identity will remain confidential.

"I have 2 small, elementary aged children, 5 and 7 years old. The 2020-21 school year was their first year at a new school. So virtual learning for us was extra fresh. In the beginning, things were hard with virtual learning. The teacher spent most of the time explaining to the kids how to work the TEAMs platform. The kids were at different levels. Some of them caught on quickly, while others still struggle now. We, as a family, were bogged down. There were assignments that needed to be completed and classwork that needed to be done. Homework duty began to last 2-3 hours per night. I feared how that was affecting their learning. 

I first found out I was eligible for the CARES Act from my employer. They sent emails and hung posters around the office. I reached out to my HR and completed an application. The CARES Act is like an extension of FMLA and there are also certain requirements the employer must meet as well. Since I hadn't used any time for FLMA, I had 12 weeks I could use towards the CARES Act. It gave you 2 options: continuous leave or intermittent leave."

To be continue...
​
Contact RealWorkWife @ realworkwife@gmail.com if you have a story you would like to share.
Your Voice and Experience deserves to be heard.

​Like, Share and Donate.
Donations can be made via CashApp $realworkwife.
*Donations are used to assist working moms with childcare payments and to meet other family needs.

Sometimes, I wonder if I choose the right career path. I love my job as a librarian, but I would have equally loved being a paleontologist or a geologist or even a writer. Okay, I am a writer. But I am nowhere near being a paleontologist or a geologist. I love rocks and everything about rock formation. I love the history the Earth tells us if we just look closely. I love dinosaurs and I am always eager to learn something new about prehistoric life. 
It’s apparent that I love to write. I would love the opportunity to write for different outlets in Memphis. I love everything about Memphis. Remember, Memphis is my Boyfriend. Sometimes I daydream about waking up in the morning, going to my favorite coffee shop of the day and write until I have nothing left to give the pages. I desire for it to be my job in which I write about the experiences I have in, around and with Memphis.
So why didn't I explore a different major in college? Because that's not how I was guided. I was told to select a major that I was good at. I hate to brag, but I’m good at a lot of things. In the end, I elected to major in Health and Human Performance: Exercise and Sports Science. (Plus, there were no fields of study for paleontology or geology in Memphis in 2003.) After a successful stint as an exercise therapist, I went back to school and got my Masters in Arts and Teaching which led me to being a classroom teacher and finally a librarian. Again, I selected this major because I was good at it. But what if I selected a major that I was curious about? Something I wanted to study? Something I wanted to pursue intellectually? I've made a career out of my hobby and my love for reading. Which, honestly, isn't something that many people can say. So I am grateful for having a career that I enjoy. 
I’m not trying to make a career change or anything. My wallet won’t let me and my student loan debt ratio is already high. (I’m sure that I will die at the tender age of 132 and still have student loan debt.) My husband encourages me to pursue my daydreams….but I’m already in school!
I am already in school for my Administrative License. I will finish before the school year is done. But do I want to? I really don’t know. If the opportunity comes along where I can be a paleontologist, geologist or paid writer, I will jump on it. At this point, I might just open up a bookstore and lure the world into my hobby.

​

Push up bras….pouty lips…sexy eyes and curvy hips. Have you ever wonder what the sexualization of women is doing to our little girls? I watched the new Netflix movie Cuties with an open mind. This may look like another kid dance film, but it’s not. It’s rated MA. Therefore, I did not watch it with my 7 yr old ballet dancer. (Who loves watching dance shows.) I would have loved for her to be able to watch it because it shows a little brown skin girls who lives within a different culture. But I could just hear her saying, “Dad will never let me wear that!” “Why did she take a picture of her vagina?” “I’ve never seen those dances before.”

I had 2 main thoughts as I watched this film: #1 -I remember trying to act grown, and #2 - This movie is a pedophile’s dream.

The girls in this movie are trying to grow up too fast. I remember when I was young and I would play dress up in my mother’s heels. I would put on some lip gloss, pucker my lips and sashay around the house. I would even do the “tootsie-roll” and the “Funky Y2C.” I wanted to pretend I was older than I was. When I was 7, I couldn’t wait to be 13. When I turned 13, I looked forward to Sweet 16, Then I looked forward to 18, 21 and 27. I was always trying to “appear” older than I was. I even remember when I would get ready for school. I would put on one set of clothes and change into another set of clothes once I got to school. (Yea, I was that child.)

So I can relate to this movie a little bit. I get it. I remember what it was like wanting to look older…more attractive….sexier. That’s what the main character, Amy, wants. She wants to fit in with a group of girls who are also a dance group. While trying to fit in, she realizes that “sex sales.” After watching a western/American twerk video, she begins imitating what she sees. It’s very apparent that these girls really don’t understand sexualization. They didn’t even know why you shouldn’t blow up a used condom that you found on the ground.

Now, while I understand the thrill wanting to “grow up,” as a parent, this movie was very shocking. In our days of W.A.P., City Girls, Meg the Stallion, Cardi B and twerking challenges on Youtube, our little girls can be exposed to some really racy images. But even without the aforementioned topics/people, our girls are exposed to women in tight dress, curvy waist, and big boobs. These women are always depicted as “it” girls. They’re the women who everyone wants to be and every man wants to “do.” They are fully accepted in society and always on the winning side. So can you blame these girls???

Nope. I can’t. I do however believe that little girls should be kept more guarded. As parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and cousins, we should all make sure that they don’t try to sexualize their childhood. I do believe that little girls trying to act older is normal. (Maybe not wanted or praised, but definitely common.) Pre-teens talking in the girl’s restroom about sex and rape….not normal right? Pre-teen girls acting boy crazed…normal right? Butt shots of little girls in daisy dukes is NOT NORMAL AND NOT OKAY. The girls in this film were doing some legit soft porn moves. And that is NOT OKAY.

Could the warning message about over sexualizing our youth have been portrayed without crotch shots of pre-teens? Definitely!!!!! Do I need to see little girls gyrating all over the damn place? HELL NO!!! My husband saw a snippet of the film, and he was like, “What in the @#%! are you watching?” And I get why people are boycotting this film in America. However, how can we boycott what could very well be a product of our own over-sexualized system? 


I get the message, but the means by how they did it…smh.

Can a marriage truly survive anything? We have survived being butt-ugly broke, working crazy hours, uneven parenting, random arguments and more. But just because we survived doesn’t mean that we came away undamaged. Our picture perfect life isn’t so perfect anymore. There are cracks, blemishes and images of things that we don’t even recognize. No cut is ever truly healed by human hands or human words. No thing is forgiven to the extent to which it is truly forgotten. You may not hold a grudge, or feel a certain way when re-confronted with that information, but the memory is still there. It is still there. It is a permanent crack, a forever scar, on what was once thought of as perfect. And we can find ourselves unconsciously acting different because of the forgiven memory. Are words that need to be heard left unspoken for the sake of feelings? Are tiptoes around the heart truly what makes it grow stronger?​

How can a marriage truly survive anything when its survival depends on the 2 people who caused the marital apocalypse?

So it begs to question…did your marriage really survive or did it become something else all together?  

There is a difference between survival and adaptation. Survival is day-to-day. It’s a slow stagnation which you never truly gain ground to make a difference. Survival takes more from you than you really have to give. It shortens your happiness and deprives you of joy. What else in life can you focus on when your survival is on the line? Adaptation is the progress of moving forward when all things around you slowly become different, unrecognizable. With adaptation, your perspective on life changes in such a way that physical manifestations happen to you and around you. You being to adapt and your situation beings to adapt to you. (Whether it be negative or positive is given to your FREE WILL.) Adaptations gives you the ability to have all things made anew so that you can experience the best possible outcome.
Can a marriage truly adapt to anything? We have adapted to be butt-ugly broke, working crazy hours, uneven parenting , random argument and more. Because we adapted, we are no longer the same person as we were at the beginning of the ordeal. We now contain thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences that we did not have knowledge of before. Sometimes we even have battle scars. These scars are just a reminder of our past. (Lest we forget how far He has bought us.)
Forgiveness evokes an understanding. A sick, yet simple, sort of empathy. Sometimes coming to terms and understanding the experiences of someone who hurt you can physically make you ill. But with understanding comes knowledge. The knowledge to move on and let go. The knowledge to set yourself free.
How can a marriage truly adapt to anything when its adaptations depends not the 2 people who caused the martial apocalypse? Easy. Because out of every fire, thrives life. In the most barren of places you will find hope. When you aim to adapt yourself, He will manifest the situation around you to adapt to your vibes, your energy, your soul. And whatever doesn’t adapt, surely becomes extinct.
So choose wisely in your marriage. You will either survive, adapt or become extinct. I choose life. And I choose to have that life more abundantly. I look forward to continuing to adapt with the man that I am yoked to. We will adapt when the kids become teenagers. We will adapt during financial strain and financial blossoms. We will adapt thru sickness and thru health. We will adapt individually, yet together. We will adapt into human beings who are so perfectly imperfect yet unconditional loved by the Most High.
Allow your imperfections to evolve into something greater.

This is a Public Service Announcement.

-Teachers - My kids have 2 parents. If there is anything concerning the kids, please message/email/dojo both parents. Yes, we can easily relay messages to each other, but sometimes one parent is a little more forgetful than the other parent. So to make sure we get your message, send the message to both parents. Also, on the parent contact form, please provide enough space for BOTH parents’ information. We are tired of trying to squeeze both of our information legibly on 1 tiny line.

-Grandparents - There are 2 parents. Communicate with the parent of need. For example, if the kids are at your house and they are suppose to be picked up by 3 pm by Mom. Don’t text Dad asking him when Mom will be picking up the kids. Just text/call Mom. You can also use that tech savvy brain of yours and create a group text for both Mom and Dad. Group chats are great.

-Kids - You have 2 parents. Stop passing Dad in the kitchen to tell Mom in the bathroom ON THE TOILET that you want some water, or a snack. Dad is perfectly capable of getting food and water for you. Stop passing Dad in the kitchen to tell Mom in the bathroom ON THE TOILET that you want some water, or a snack. Dad is perfectly capable of getting food and water for you. (No that wasn't a typo. You have to say things multiple times for kids.....)Furthermore, you may not know this, but Dad is a really good cuddle too. You should get out of Mom’s lap and try it sometimes.

-Strangers - Yes, I have 4 kids. And yes, they all have the same father. Stop acting as if this is so odd. And yes, all of my kids have the same last name. It happens to be my husband’s (their father’s) last name that I earned when I married him over 10 years ago. And finally, yes, our marriage is still going on strong….with the 4 kids. ​