Episode 1: Hamstrings and Alleys

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Memphis is My Boyfriend and we have some pretty epic date nights. So I’ve decided to give them to you as they come, the good, and bad and the awful decisions.
Quick Recap: Great drinks...strained hamstring giving oral...strangers are generous.

This date night started out like any other date night, with sex. My husband preferred to wait until the end of date night before we did anything raunchy, but I preferred more immediate action. So to sway him to the dark side, I decided to give him a preview of what he was missing. As he sat on the edge of the bed, I decided to be the boss I am and give him falatio standing up. Yes, you read that right. He’s sitting down and I’m standing up. I hinge from the waist and go to town….well downtown. It won’t be until early the next day that I realize what a bad idea that was!

We start off the night at Edge Alley. I order the Strawberries Aren’t Technically Berries and hubby orders the Don’t Tell the Government. Y’all, these drinks are a whoooooole mood. I don’t know what was on the rim of the Strawberries Aren’t Technically Berries, but I licked the hell out of it! Like a lady, of course. As I laughed at my husband’s jokes, a young man in a long purple-ish robe strides in. He instantly reminds me of Newt Scamander and I bet he graduated the top of his class at Hogwarts. I’m starstruck!!!!! I don’t want to be weird this early in the night so I forgo asking for an autograph. (Mental Note: Buy purple-ish robe to wear to work.) The next drink we sorta shared. (He did have at least 2 sips.) It was the High Pollen Count and it tasted like summertime at my Grandma’s house, sucking honeysuckle straight off the vine!!!!!! 

Next, we wanted to drink in an actual alley. So obviously we headed downtown. But to our huge disappointment, Tavern Belle was closed. So we wandered around several alleys before stopping at The Local. (It took so long because I was being nosey. There was this lady arguing with herself in the middle of a dark alley. Odd huh?) At The Local on Main, we had a Butterfly Margarita and the Eastsider.  If you’re a rum drinker, definitely go for the Butterfly Margarita!!!! I floated gently with the Eastsider. It came in a dainty little glass that was probably recycled from Cinderella’s shoe. I felt like a tipsy little princess. 
Next, we walked across the tracks to Sage. It was poppin’ in there! I took one look at the menu and saw Uncle Nearest. If you have gotten hip to Uncle Nearest, you’re missing out! Nearest Green, also known as Uncle Nearest, was the Tennessee slave who taught Jack Daniel how to make whiskey. You can read more about the accomplishments of Uncle Nearest on their website. The Nearest to Happiness was everything!!!! Sage mixed that whiskey with raspberry liqueur and blueberries. I promise I felt my ancestors take a sip of this goodness with me!!!!! Hubby had the Can’t Knock the Hustle, which had more rum in it.
After all these cocktails, we felt it would be in our best interest to get something to eat. You know what goes with a tipsy belly?????? BURGERS! And if you’re downtown, where do you go for burgers????? BARDOGS!!!! But they were closed. So I groped my hubby while we made our way to Huey’s. A few alleys later, we met a stranger and asked him for a favor. And guess what?!?!?! He happily obliged. Memphians are so kind. 
Feelin good, we skipped to Huey’s only to find that their kitchen was closed. Not to be brought down, we just walked to The Flying Saucer where I got some homegrown Ice Water and a delicious burger. 
As I lay in bed, I thought about our date nights and how much I look forward to them. It was a bonus that I slept pretty good that night. I woke up at 6:30am and waited around for the clock to show 7am. (My friends say I can’t call or text them before 7am. Apparently it’s not cool.) Then I spent the next hour rubbing my strained hamstring….yeah, never sucking d$@k standing up again.

​Why lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m doing that -ish tomorrow!!!!

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