Plotting Children....

I know that some people may think that I am paranoid, but I seriously think that my children are plotting my downfall. They are all plotting against my sanity and willingness to be a good mother. It all started with the Legos and tidbits on the steps. At first, I thought that the kids were just being lazy and negligent. That was until I stepped on a Lego that was on the steps. It hurt like hell. (Like hitting your shin on the corner of a metal bed railing kind of hell...)
But in the midst of my pain, I hear, "hehehehehehhehehe." WTH!!! Am I living with a "despicable me" character. That s%^$ ain't cool man. I was really hurting!!! Is this the only occasion of "Mysterious Legos on the Stairs"??? NO. Is each time followed by weird, childish snickering.....YES!!!!
Apparently the Legos didn't make me crack. So I guess they had to step it up a notch. Anyone who knows me know I love to cook. (I'm also a little clumsy too.)  So, one day I waltz into the kitchen ready bake some muffins and stacked next to the blender are 4 cans with 2 FULL cups of water. Do you have any idea how big of a mess that would have been if I would have bumped the cabinet??? It would have taken me forever to mop up that monsoon. This happened on more than one occasion. And anytime I inquire about who may be doing this....they are all silent. So I'll wait until I catch the crook in action....or I spill the water and see who snickers then.....
And last, home is suppose to be a place where you can relax and let your guard down. Not here....not for me......
I was sitting at the kitchen table, minding my own business when Eve came downstairs highly upset. Before I could ask what was wrong, she started the dialogue...

Eve: Mom, Elijah won't give me his controller. (The Wii Controller.)
Me: Eve, is he playing with it?
Eve: Yes and he won't give me his controller.
Me: Eve, you can't take things away from Elijah. You're just gonna have to be patient.
Eve: BUT MOM HE WON'T GIVE ME HIS CONTROLLER.
(Clearly Eve doesn't understand words like "can't" and  "his"
Me: Eve I already told you that you're just gonna have to wait until he's done.
(Now she just stands there...staring at me....contemplating...like "Children on the Corn....."
Eve: Mommy, can I have the Toad Controller?
Me: (I'm a little suspicious....) Ummmm, where is the Toad Controller???
Eve: In Elijah's hand.....
Me: (hangs head in shame.....they are plotting against my sanity....waiting in the shawdows behind Daniel Tiger and Tree Fu Tom...)
Me: No, Eve. Just no. (#shesonly2)
​

---