2/4/2019 0 Comments
“Because I was pulled over with red stuff all over my hands, the cops let me off with a warning…..”
The kids have been giving Hubby and I the blues. Eve is whining all the time about everything! Aiden would ask her, “Eve, do you like pineapples?” She would then reply in the most shriek-ish whine ever heard, “No!!!!! I don’t know. Well maybe.” The twins have been acting as if school is Cirque de Freak. Good conduct should be the easiest thing to get in school, yet it’s a daily struggle for them. Elliott came home and told us in his most disappointed voice ever that he was on Red. Hubby and I are familiar with the basic E, G, S, N, and U for conduct grades, so we were completely confused when he said a color. Elliott politely explains to us that he’s on Red. Above Red is Yellow. Above Yellow is Green. Above Green is Orange. Finally, above Orange is Blue. (Reminder: Elliott is on Red). We were shocked. He’s a long, long, long way from the top. In fact, he’s at the very bottom. This is true for Elijah too. I guess Red is their favorite color. Finally Aiden. He’s just half does everything. Half does his school work. Half studies his scouting material. Half does his chores. Half grooms himself and ends up looking like a crusty old man. And it’s because of this “half-baked” mentality that I end up with red stuff all over my hands and pulled over by the cops.
We arrive home one Friday evening after picking up our Clicklist groceries. As usual as I ask the boys to unload the groceries from the car. True to their nature, they drop a glass jar of spaghetti sauce in the driveway. I ask Aiden to carefully clean it up and the twins to continue bringing the groceries inside. Eve is whining in the dining room because she doesn’t want to take the groceries out of the bag. The twins are standing in the living room as if they haven’t just been given directives. Thus, the yelling starts. “GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GET THE GROCERIES!” Aiden comes in dripping sauce on the floor. I take a deep breathe and explain how a plastic bag could be useful in situations like this. Finally, Eve has finished her task, Aiden said he is done and the twins have triple checked the trunk to make sure no groceries are left.
I rush the kids out the house so I can get them to Grammie’s house. (I’m so done with parenting.) I walk around the rear of the car and what do I see? The broken jar of spaghetti sauce and the Kroger bag that it was broken in. Why in the hell would Aiden just leave it there???? I guess half-doing things is just his signature move. So while picking up the broken glass, a saucy bag and OTHER GROCERIES that were left in the bag, my hands become covered in red spaghetti sauce.
Feeling stressed to the max, I decide that it’s in the best interest of all parties involved if I take the kids immediately to my mom’s house and wipe my hands and steering wheel later. Keep in mind that my mother lives less than 5 minutes away. And in this short amount of time, Eve starts whining and the twins start arguing. I begin fussing at the kids; explaining to them that I am at my wits end with their nonsense.
Distracted and ready to get them out of my car, I do a slow roll through a stop sign and slowly turn the corner within our quiet neighborhood. Can you guess who’s coming up the street? The police. I continue down the street and watch in my rearview mirror as the cop bust a u-turn and flash those awful lights. I pull over into my mother’s driveway as the cops slow behind me. She comes up to my window and inform me that she pulled me over because I failed to come to a full and complete stop at the stop sign and not to exit the car. Politely, she asks for my license and insurance. It is at this moment that she notices my hands. She doesn’t say anything and I don’t voluntarily give any information. I fondle with my wallet refusing to get spaghetti sauce on it. Finally, she asks, “Can I help you with that?” I hand her my wallet and explain where my insurance is located. After she has what she needs and returns to her cruiser, the kids start mocking me. Eve questions, “Are we in trouble with the police?” Aiden is quick to reply. “No, Eve. Just Mom. She’s the only one in trouble.” Eve gives him a simple, “Okay” and continues playing with her toys. The twins could absolutely care less.
Moments later, her partner returns with my things and smile. By this time, I have done the only sensible thing to do. I licked all the sauce off my hands. He gives me a verbal reminder and then leaves. I kick the kids out of my car. I’m dusting my hands off. Parenting is done!!!!!!! #gotogrammies
Oh, by the way, I found a bag of groceries in the trunk later that night. They needed to be refrigerated.
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Mommy Phoebe Free
These are simple letters to my kids...about their antics.